rivulets of the mind

via Daily Prompt: Rivulet

A rivulet is a small stream.   A rivulet is to a river as a baby is to an adult.   a natural body of running water flowing on or under the earth.  Vocabulary.com

Rivulets converge into rivers.  Its similar in the mind.  Tiny fibers join to carve paths, rivulets, and rivulets join to become even more powerful, even faster.  this is the basis for the notions of  “what fires together, wires together”  and mindless lapses.

thoughts, patterns, patterns of thought.  I will always be learning to see them.    Even now, do i really see my patterns as much as i think i do?

In this life,  I have created and abandoned many rivulets.  I know every time I repeat a behavior, it is reinforced.  that I am actively cultivating more automatic moves.  Mind is trying to adapt, help me out, let me become mindless [think: driving a car].  Mind aspires to efficiency and amuses itself practicing prediction, that feeds into establishing efficiency .  How can I harness that capability  for the life I am creating?  how to use with respect?  this is the fast, really fast, part of the human nervous system.  The part that gets its start with the details, loving the steps of the process, which almost seems like an oxymoron — the fast nervous system wiring is fueled at the start anyway, by details, following some sequence of steps.   It is not interested in the big picture.

Rivulets that allow us to function and appear as normal beings.  Aware even.  How is it then that i can read something i wrote 5 years ago, and not recognize it as mine?  Was i in a rivulet? or am i just somebody so unconnected to who i was 5 years ago?

Thinking:  I used to do yoga everyday, why did i stop?  I should do yoga today.  I think I will start again tomorrow.  I will start a new rivulet; maybe it is a reopening of a rivulet.

Each tomorrow night unfolds as i realize i have been in the same automatic  rivulet again; disappointing myself.  I chose how to use each of the moments.  and then the disappointment and sadness rivulets start.  Tunnel vision.  I can only see what i have not done and what i have not done right.  I missed out on something i wanted.  the rivulets merge and then it is a really big river of feeling sad.  I will not quit.  I can start again.  Try again.  remember – it took hundreds of tries before the light bulb was invented.  Look at each rivulet development as an experiment.  Separate from me.

I am hopeful I can forge many new rivulets in the moments ahead.  I think its important to have an image of what life will look like, especially what i will feel like, when I establish this new rivulet, a baby rivulet.  that might be like a drop of water.  I will start with the first step.   what rivulet am i going to cultivate?

 

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Author: cindyscribner

I Love coffee, chocolate and life. Solitude, loyalty, honesty, curiosity and connection. I am always learning to be present in my life and just be with it all.

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